The Perfect Stand In

I’ve talked with several women over the past two weeks - all very accomplished in their careers and happy in their jobs – who are experiencing the same issue: the moment they start talking about their work in front of a camera or in an interview-type situation, things get really, really dull.

And they are the first to admit it.

Whereas earlier in our conversation, they are electric and exciting, once the camera is on or the official interview begins, they feel serious, uncomfortable, and boxed in. It’s like the sails come down and the boat sits with no wind to carry it.

I blame this on the Perfect Stand In. The Perfect Stand In is the professional person whom you think people are expecting to meet. She’s fluent, measured, and promises no surprises.

But she borders on boring - neutralizing the way you speak about your work: hiding your curiosity, genius, incongruity and vitality. She is the symmetrical dowel, not the statuesque tree.

Many women I work with are at pivotal points in their careers and they want to up their game. They want to promote their work more effectively, and feel more confident in the situations that ask for that.

What I tell them: I will take your uneven, impulsive, fascinated delivery over your Perfect Stand In any day of the week. And I’m not the only one. Whether you’re talking with new team members, starting a new job or recommitting to an old one: share the stuff that lights you up. It’s your individuality and personal insight that inspires. We care about you when we understand you. We want to know you when you’re open with us.

Take it from me: Your edges are interesting. It took me a while to see it, but when I was myself - no Perfect Stand In - those were the moments I was most comfortable and most successful.

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash